How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane

What do you do when you find yourself stuck on an airplane with a screaming, crying toddler? You try and distract the kid in a casual, breezy manner… just like all those hip parenting magazines tell you to do. And then something happens that cements this moment in your mind as one of the most disgusting experiences of your (already fairly disgusting) life.
Watch and learn — so that you may never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.